Maybe you know my cousins Boudreaux and Thibodeaux

[EbbTide]

T-boy Boudreaux finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies… Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, 'Where you come from? How you get here?' 'I rowed over from the other side of the island,' she says. 'I landed here when my cruise ship sank.' 'Datz amazing,' he says. 'You waz really lucky to have a rowboat wash up wit you.' 'Oh, this?' replies the woman. 'I made the rowboat out of raw material found on the island. I whittled the oars from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.' 'But ... but .... datz impossible,' stutters T-boy. 'You ain'tgot no tools or hardware. How you mana ge dat?' 'Oh, no problem,' replies the woman. 'On the South side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.' T-boy is stunned. 'Let's row over to my place,' she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As T-boy looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he can only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?' 'No, no tank you,' he says, still dazed. 'Can't take no mo a dat coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' the woman replies. 'I built a still. How about a Pina Colada?' Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accep ts, and they sit down on her hand-woven couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.' No longer questioning anything, T-boy goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. 'WOW! Dis woman iz amazin',' he muses, 'whatz gonna be next?'
When he returns, she greets him wearing 'nothing but vines' strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. 'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for a really long time. I know you've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know...' as she stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing! 'You mean=2 0...', as he swallows excitedly, 'We gonna watch the LSU game from here'?

[injunear]

So Boudreaux asks Thibodaux: "Why dem Scuba divers always fall backwaysoff dem boats?"

To which Thibodaux replies:“ If dey fell forwards dey'd still be in de'boat."<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>

[EbbTide]

Boudreaux and Thibodaux's Camping Trip

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Thibodeaux woke Boudreaux and said, "Ma sha look towards DA sky, what you see?"

Boudreaux replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Thibodeaux.

Boudreaux pondered for a minute then said: "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

"Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

"Theologically, mother nature is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

"Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

"Whats' it tell you, Thibodeaux?"

Thibodeaux says, "Boudreaux, you dumber than a box o` rocks. It mean somebody stole the tent!"

[EbbTide]

Cajun Women Are TOUGH !!!!
<DIR>
Boudreaux lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending
death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite beignets wafting up the
stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping
the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. When he reached the bottom
of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where
if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for
there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his
favorite beignets as only Clotil could prepare.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from Clotil, his wife of
sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled
posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the beignets was already in
his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when
suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his Clotil…

“Stop,” she said. "Those are for the funeral."

</DIR>

[EbbTide]

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are driving down a back road in the Louisiana bayou.

A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
"Lord a' mighty," says Boudreaux , "my three favorite things!"

[EbbTide]

Free Sex with Fill-Up
A gas station in Abbeville was trying to increase its sales, so the owner, Broussard, put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up".

Soon Boudreaux pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex..

Broussard told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Boudreaux then guessed 8, and Broussard said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, Boudreaux, along with a buddy, Thibadeaux, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. Broussard again gave Boudreaux the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

Boudreaux guessed 2 this time. Again Broussard said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, Thibadeaux said to Boudreaux, "I tank dat game is rigged and he don't really give away no free sex."

Boudreaux replied, "No it ain't, Thibadeaux. It ain't rigged ----- da wife, Marie, won twice last week

[EbbTide]

Boudreaux was out in da field talkin' wit his frien Thibodeaux.
Thibodeaux said "Boudreaux , you see
dat ole barn out dere? Well man, its completely infestered wit
rats. I tried everything I know an can't
get rid of dem."

Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, I know xactly how to get rid of dem
rats. You gotta get you one of dem
bull constriptors.." Thibodeaux say, Whats a bull
constriptor?". Boudreaux explains, "man. dats one of dem big ole
snakes and he loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at
once".

Well, da nex day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm
and bought him da biggest bull
constripter dat dey got. He brought dat snake to da barn an let
him loose right in da middle and
just sat dere and watched. Well, Thibodeaux was watchin' for a
long time, I mean long, an dere
wasn't nuttin ' happening. Dat big ole snake jus curled up
hiself in da middle of dat barn and
slept all day. He didn't even move and dem rats jus run all around.

So Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on
da phone, "Boudreaux, man
dats some bad advice bout dat snake.Dem rats is still runnin' al
around and dat snake jus lays dere sleepin' all day long."
Boudreaux says, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do. Give
dat snake
some Viagra." Thibodeaux say, "What! Viagra! What's dat gonna
do?" Boudreaux say,"I was
just listening to da radio and de man say dat Viagra is da best
ting to use for a reptile dysfunction."

[water]

Bubba's sister was pregnant and was in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awoke and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asked the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thought to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor answers.

The new mother says, "Wow! That's a beautiful name, maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name "Denise." What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew."



</PRE>

[EbbTide]

<TABLE style="mso-cellspacing: 1.5pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in" class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR style="mso-yfti-irow: 0; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes"><TD style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #f0f0f0; BORDER-LEFT: #f0f0f0; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BORDER-TOP: #f0f0f0; BORDER-RIGHT: #f0f0f0; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" width="100%">TWENTY DOLLARS
On their wedding night, Boudreaux’s young bride Clotile approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, Boudreaux readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with Boudreaux thinking that it was a cute way for Clotile to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, Clotile was surprised to find Boudreax drunk as a swamp skunk.During the next few minutes, Boudreaux explained that his employer, Raceland Self Service Gas & Fresh Mud Bugs, was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, Clotile handed Boudreaux a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million.... Then Clotile showed Boudreaux certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

Clotile explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged' Boudreaux for sex, and these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, Boudreaux was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what youwere doing, I would have given you all my business!'

That's when Clotile shot him.

You know, sometimes, Coonass men don't know when
to keep their mouths shut.

</TD></TR><TR style="mso-yfti-irow: 1; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes"><TD style="BORDER-BOTTOM: #f0f0f0; BORDER-LEFT: #f0f0f0; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BORDER-TOP: #f0f0f0; BORDER-RIGHT: #f0f0f0; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt"><O></O>

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<O></O>

[water]

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their
faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his
mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.

"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it
all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Boudreaux the
coon-ass from Louisiana, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."

[EbbTide]

SEVEN DEGREES OF COONASS

<HR align=center SIZE=2 width="100%">

FIRST DEGREE
Boudreaux and his wife were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
Boudreaux picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The wife said, "Who was that?"
Boudreaux answered, "I don't know, some man wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two Cajuns are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. He opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second Cajun says, "Here, let me see!!" So the first Cajun hands him the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
Boudreaux suspects his wife of cheating on him, so he goes out and buys a gun. He goes to his house unexpectedly and when he opens the door he finds her in the arms of another man. Well, Boudreaux is really angry. He pulls out the gun, and as he does so, he is overcome with grief. He takes the gun and puts it to his head. His wife yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
Boudreaux replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
Boudreaux was bragging about his knowledge of state capitals. He proudly says, "Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?" Boudreaux replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the Cajun girl ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Boudreaux, a Cajun in his fourth year as a LSU Freshman, sat in his US Government class. The professor asked Boudreaux if he knew what Roe vs.. Wade was about. Boudreaux pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, Boudreaux was shocked to find his house ransacked and burglarized. He telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Boudreaux ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting his face in his hands, Boudreaux moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."