Maybe you know my cousins Boudreaux and Thibodeaux

[EbbTide]

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are walking down a street in Houston when
and they see a sign on a store that reads, 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts
$2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair.'

Boudreaux says to his pal, 'Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Breaux Bridge, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune.

Thibodeaux nodded, “Yeah, that’s right!”

“Now when we go in there you be quiet, okay? Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and try to cheat us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know.'

They go in and Boudreaux says with his best fake Texas accent, 'I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each.”

“I'll back up my pickup and ....'

The owner of the shop interrupts, 'Ya'll are from Louisiana, ain't you?'

“Well...yeah,' says a surprised Boudreaux. 'How come you know dat!'

'Because this is a dry-cleaners.'

[EbbTide]

Cajun honeymoon

Boudreaux, out in his pasture in south Louisiana, takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow right in the crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said 'How bad is it Doc? . . . I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my finance, Bertha, is still a virgin - in every vay.'

The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.'

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together . . ... Quite an impressive work of art and engineering.

Boudreaux mentions none of this to Bertha, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Ville Platte.

That night in the motel room, Bertha slowly open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts.

She said, 'You're da first, nobody has EVER seen deez.'

Boudreaux immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis, Bertha.......

..... .still in DA CRATE!'

[Capt_Anonymous]

Hey, that's a Portagee joke from Hawai'i!
These two Portagee airline pilots are coming in for a landing in Honolulu.They touch down, slam on the brakes, and finally come to a stop. "Whoo!" the Captain says, "That is da shortes runway ah evah seen!". "Yeah", says the copilot, "But look how wide!"
Meanwihle, the Portagee airline Captain's wife is on the way to the airport to pick up her husband. Along the road, she sees a sign. "Airport, Left". So she turns around and goes home.

[Jemplayer]

A hurricane hits the bayou and Thibodeaux loses his wife in the flood.
He looks every were and cant find her so he fills a police report. A week later Sheriff Boudreaux comes by Thibodeaux's house.
They meet on the pouch and Sheriff Boudreaux tell Thibodeaux he has some good news and some bad news.
Thibodeaux tells him to start with the bad news.
The bad news is they found Thibodeaux's wife and she dead.
Well whats the good news ask Thibodeaux?
Sheriff Boudreaux answers.
"The good news is when we pulled her out of the bayou, we got 6 blue crabs off or her and were going to run her again tonight."

[The Rover]

Boudreaux walks up to Thibdeaux one day "Mais Thibodeaux I got my hellacopeter license, one day me I'm gonna take you far a ride." Thibodeaux says "Mais Boudreaux I would like dat me." So Boudreaux & Thibodeaux go to the heliport at Fourchon and get in the helicopter & take off..... Thibdeaux says "Look at dat Boudreaux you can see all da way to the intracoastal canal." Boudreaux says " Mais Thibdeaux dat ain't nothing watch dis." He takes the helicopter higher up. Thibodeaux says "Mais Boudreaux I can see all da way to Houma." Boudreaux replies "Mais Thibodeaux dat ain't nothing watch dis." Again he goes higher with the helicopter. Thibodeaux says "Mais damn, Bodureaux I can see all da way to Morgan City." At that very moment they fall to the earth crash & die. They both are in heavon when they see each other.....Thibodeaux asks "Mais Boudreaux wat happened up dare?" Boudreaux replies "Mais I don't know, all I know is me I was gettin cold up dare so me I shut dat big fan off." LOL!

To everyone accents are added for affect, we don't really talk that way.
TO my fellow Cajuns its a joke do not be offended.

[squeakyboatcaptain]

Boudreaux tells Thibodeaux one day that he has decided to go to college, so he can get a "land job"
He tells Thibadeaux he has a meeting with the Dean of the College in Raceland on Monday.
"You tell me how dat goes" says Thibodeaux
Monday morning comes around, and Boudreaux is meeting with the Dean.
"Boudreaux, I have signed you up for three classes for your first semester....Math, English and...Logic"
Boudreaux says " I know what English and Math are, but what is dat Logic"
"Let me Explain to You" says the Dean
"Do You own a weed-eater" asks the Dean
"I sure does" says Boudreaux
"Well, then Logicaly, I conclude You have a Yard" says the Dean
"Dats true.. I do have me a yard"
"And since you have a Yard, I Logicaly assume you have a house" says the Dean
"Maix yeah, I got me a yard too"
"Since I know you have a yard, By Logic, I assume you have a house in that yard"says the Dean
"I sure do" says Boudreaux
"Logically, since you have a house, I conclude you probably have a wife"
"Yeah, I got me a wife...Jolie" Boudreaux says
"And since I know you have a wife, I logically assume you are a Heterosexual man"
"Well dats for sure" says Boureaux
"Well Boudreaux, thats Logic in a nutshell....what do you think?"
"Dats just Amazing!!!...You figured all that stuff out by jus knowin I had me a weed-eater!"

So....Boudreaux signed up for all three classes.

The next day Boudreaux runs in to Thibodeaux at da Bar-room"

"So how did it go over at da college Boudreaux?"
"Man, it was good...I signed up to take me three classes....Math, English and Logic" says Boudreaux
"Logic???? whats dat"
"Its simple, let me explain it to you............Do you have a weed-eater Thibodeaux" says Boudreaux
"No...You know I aint got one"
"Well, then I logically conclude you is a Homo!"

[camthrop]

^ That one gave me a good laugh.

[EbbTide]

Boudreaux explains the custom of Hindu women with dots on their foreheads!

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux stop for beef jerky, pork rinds and orange soda at the new Raceland convenience store. While Mrs. Patel rings up their order, Thibodeaux leans over and whispers to Boudreaux, “What dat red dot on that woman’s forehead? Is dat some kind of Christmas decoration?”

“Nah, das not so,” say’s Boudreaux. Rocking back on his boot heels and hooking his thumps behind his suspenders, ‘I read about dis red dot stuff in, last Sunday’s La Fourche Gazette, in da Ask Da Coonass column .”

“So, …What de CoonAss say?” asked Thibodeaux.

“He say most people naively believe dis red dot is connected to marriage or religion, but da Indian Embassy in Washington D.C. have finally told da true story.”

Thibodeaux waited as Boudreaux took a slug or orange soda and then continued.

“See, it’s like dis. When a Hindu woman get married, she bring a dowry to the marriage.

On her wedding night, the husband get to scratch off the red dot to see if he has won a convenience store, a gas station, liquor store or motel in the United States."

“Whoo!“ said Thibodeaux. “Some shit, ... like Louisiana scratch off game!”

Boudreaux continues, "But sometimes... nothing under dat dot, ohhh shit, and da man has to stay in India and work answering telephones giving bad computer advice to frustrated Americans.”


NEXT EDITION: Boudreaux solves the Mystery of the Lost Hound Dawg and the new Chinese Buffet in Houma.

[cajuntugster]

The LA Times reported that an anthropologist from UCLA was digging at a site near San Francisco and after digging down 25 feet found a network copper wiring. He concluded based on the depth these were found that in the early 1800's California had already developed a phone line system well ahead of the rest of the country.
Not to be outdone, the New York Post published an article about an anthropologist that was researching a site near Hells Gate. He discovered copper wires with plastic ends buried 35 feet below the surface. The scientist concluded that New York had developed an internet network in the 1700's well before anyone else in the country or world!
After reading these stories, Boudreax, an attendee of the Raceland La. college went out to a sugarfield next to Bayou LaFourche and dug down 50 feet and found NOTHING. He went back to the LaFourche Gazette and reported what he did and found. He concluded that Louisiana had already gone wireless in the 1600's!!!!!

[The Rover]

Thats a good one Cajuntugster, I don't care who you are thats FUNNY!

[EbbTide]

Cajun Foreplay

One night, after Boudreaux and Marie had retired for the night, Marie
became aware that her husband Boudreaux was touching her in a most
unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and
the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very
lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his
hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her
waist.

'Mais yea.' moaned Marie.
Boudreaux continued on, gently feeling Marie's hips, first one side and
the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His
gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and
the returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time Marie was
becoming more aroused and she squirmed a little to better position
herself.
Boudreaux stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
'Why you stoppin' cher?' Marie whispered.
Boudreaux whispered back, 'I found da remote.'

[Ashley]

I loved that one!!!!!!! Lol

[EbbTide]

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.

"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm
'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."

Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."

Priest: "What did you do with it?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to
get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."

Priest: "OK, anything else?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my
truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I
make her a two car garage."

Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."

Priest: "Yes?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two
bedrooms and a new bathroom."

Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going
to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"

Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber."

[EbbTide]

Bank robbery in Gueydan, La.!!!!!!!!!!!!!


An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Gueydan , and forces
the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with
the loot one brave Cajun customer grabs the hood and pulls it off
revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy without
hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has
seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks
over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very
scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There are a few moments of silence...then Boudreaux looking down,
tentatively raises his hand and says:
'I tink my wife Marie mighta peeked'...

[Ashley]

I enjoyed reading all of these jokes! LOL Keep 'em coming.

[Ordinaryseaman]

One day Boudreaux, his wife Clotile, and Boudreaux's friend, Pierre went to the city.

While Clotile went shopping, Boudreaux & Pierre decided to go check out one of them tall buildings.



Inside the building, Boudreaux & Pierre came to these big golden doors.
Boudreaux says,"Wonda wot dees doors lead to?".



So Boudreaux & Pierre stare at the doors for a few minutes until an old woman comes up to the doors. She pushes a button near the door, the doors open, she goes inside, & the doors close.



Boudreaux & Pierre watch as numbers above the door start to change from "1" to "2" to "3", then the numbers stop a while then change again from "3" to "2" to "1". Then the doors open and a beautiful young voluptuous woman walks out!



Boudreaux tells Pierre, "Mais you saw dat!? Hurry up--lets go find Clotile so we can put her in dere!"

[Ordinaryseaman]

One day when Boudreaux and Clotile were courting (before they got married), Boudreaux went to visit Clotile at her house.

Boudreaux and Clotile were sitting in the living room talking. Boudreaux was on his best behavior -- trying to make a good impression on Clotile.



When Clotile left the living room for a while, Boudreaux was looking around the room and noticed there was an old Hammond Organ in the corner.



Boudreaux noticed that there was a fish bowl filled with water on top of the organ with something floating on the surface of the water. Boudreaux walked over to get a closer look and noticed that the object floating in the fish bowl was a condom. Puzzled, Boudreaux went back to his seat.
When Clotile returned to the living room, Boudreaux and Clotile continued their conversation -- but all the time Boudreaux kept thinking about that thing in the fish bowl.



After much of the evening passed, Boudreaux's curiosity got the best of him and he asked Clotile, "Mais, Clotile, whats dat ting doin in dat fish bowl up dere?"



Clotile replied, "Mais Boudreaux, let me tell you about dat. One day I was walking down de road down by de bayou and I found dat ting on de side of de road. Mais, you know I picked it up and brought it home. I read the writing on de package and it said 'For prevention of disease - put it on your organ and keep it wet.'. So I put it up dere and you know, Boudreaux it really works yea -- I haven't had a cold in over a year now!"

[Ordinaryseaman]

After having their 10th child, Boudreaux and Clotile decided that that was enough. So Boudreaux went to the doctor and told the doctor that he and Clotile didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told Boudreaux that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.


The doctor told Boudreaux that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, light the fuse, put the cherry bomb in a can, then hold the can up to his ear, and count to 10.



Boudreaux said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help us not have any more children." So Boudreaux and Clotile drove to Texas to get a second opinion.



The Texas doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he figured out who he was dealing with. So, the doctor told Boudreaux to go home and get a cherry bomb, light the fuse, place the cherry bomb in a tin can, hold it next to his ear, and count to 10.





Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, Boudreaux went home, got a cherry bomb, lit the fuse, and put the cherry bomb in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count on his fingers, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs, and resumed his counting with the fingers on his other hand.

[Jeffrox]

Boudreaux and Clarence

Boudreaux live across de bayou from Clarence, who he don like at all. Dey all de time yell across de bayou at each ot her. Boudreaux would yell to Clarence, "If I had a way to
cross dis bayou, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah!"

Dis went on for years. Finally de state done built a bridge across dat bayou right by dere houses; and Boudreaux's wife, Marie, say, "Now is you chance, Boudreaux. Why don you go
over der an beat up dat Clarence like you say?"

Boudreaux say, "OK," and start across de bridge, but he see a sign on de bridge an he stop to read it and den he go back home.

Marie say, "Why you back so soon?"

And Boudreaux say, "Marie, I dun change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. You know Marie, dey got a sign on dat dere bridge dat say, 'Clarence 13 ft. 6 in.'

You know, he don look near dat big when I yell at him across de bayou."

[EbbTide]

Boudreaux and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing
trip.

Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his
wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Boudreaux
headed home frustrated and depressed.

Friday afternoon when Boudreaux's buddies arrived at the camp on Bayou
deCade, they were shocked to see Boudreaux. He was already sitting on the
dock with a cold beer, feet propped up on his ice chest, fishing rod in
hand, and a fire glowing on the BBQ pit. "How did you talk your missus into
letting you go Boudreaux?"

"I didn't have to," Boudreaux replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went
home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I
couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady snuck up behind me, covered my eyes
and said, 'Surprise'."

"When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see
through negligee and she said, ' Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the
bed and you can do whatever you want'..... So, Here I am!"